We’ve all felt nervous or worried from time to time and our kids are no exception. Did you know that avoiding anxiety can make it stronger? By helping kids move forward while still feeling anxious, we can help them to do things while afraid.
Getting Started
Listen and support their feelings, even if you can’t relate. You may think they’re worrying about something silly, but take the time to hear them out. You may want to say something like, “It looks like you’re feeling nervous. Can you tell me about what you’re concerned about?
Avoid...
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Instead try...
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“You don’t have anything to be scared about!
(Dismisses feeling)
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“It’s understandable that you’re worried about trying out for the school play. I get nervous when I have to speak in front of people too. You can be brave and do your best.” |
“There’s no way you’ll get hurt.”
(Promises of safety)
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“It seems like you’re scared to put your face in the water at the pool. I’m right here with you as you learn how.” |
“Are you worried you can’t get your project done and turned in tomorrow?”
(Leads to anxiety)
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“How are you feeling about your school project?” |
Facing Fears
Once you’ve heard them out, you can help them by safely encouraging them to move toward the thing they’re nervous about. The fears may not disappear, but avoiding things that make us anxious actually builds anxiety.
Move through and past fears by helping your child:
- Take something they’re worried about and separate it into smaller steps that feel more manageable.
- Rehearse actions or conversations they’re concerned about with you or with someone they feel safe with.
- Take action on one thing that they’re scared of this week.
- Remind them that you’re here for them and that they’ll have fewer anxious feelings as they take small steps forward and practice new skills.
Allow Small Distractions
Distraction doesn’t have to be a bad word. If your child is waiting to receive a shot and is getting more and more worried, having an activity they can focus on, playing a game on your phone or looking at photos can help take their mind off their anxiety.
Relaxation and meditation can be other helpful strategies when anxious feelings flare up. Teach your child these skills at a calm time and help them practice so that they’re ready when stressful times occur.
Build Awareness of Anxious Feelings
Many times, children aren’t aware of their feelings and how it feels in their body. Download our How My Body Feels When I’m Anxious and go over it with your child. Help them think through how it affects their thoughts and their bodies. Do they clench their fists when they’re worried? Chew on their fingernails? Breathe faster?
By helping them identify how anxiety feels in their bodies, they can be more aware when they need to practice deep breathing or other relaxation exercises.
When Do We Need More Help?
Feelings of nervousness, worry and anxiety are common in children. However, it can become an anxiety disorder if it’s stopping them from doing things they would like to or need to do.
Watch for:
- Feelings that seem much more extreme than the situation (such as distress, hopelessness, uncontrolled crying)
- Symptoms in their body that keep them from normal activities, including shaking, headaches or stomach aches
- Avoidance of common activities or refusing to take part in social activities
- Sleep problems that continue over time, including refusing to sleep alone or nightmares
- Repeatedly having to offer reassurance and comfort for common situations
If you see these kinds of behaviors repeatedly, you may want to speak to your pediatrician, your child’s teacher or school counselor or contact a mental health professional.